Most companies have now adopted policies of open communication, upward coaching, peer coaching, and other similar strategies.  Meaning:  you should no longer be running to HR or another supervisor to tattle on your boss or employees.  Instead, you are expected to confront your coworkers, employees, and supervisor personally and resolve any issues directly before calling HR or your manager.

This whole concept may seem terrifying and a little irrational to anyone unfamiliar or uncomfortable challenging others in the workplace.  But as long as these policies are truly supported and anticipated by everyone in your office, it is not as bad as it seems.

Here are some tips to make these conversations easier and less stressful for you.

  1.  Be prepared.  Write down all the things you want to address.  Try saying it aloud to hear how it sounds.  Listen to your tone and choose your words carefully—especially if you will be coaching up.  How would you want to receive the information if the roles were reversed?  Practice until you have found the appropriate approach.
  2. Remain professional.  Be prepared for the worst case scenario—the other participant may get defensive or upset.  Stay calm no matter how the other person reacts.  Do not allow the topic to be changed or for blame to be shifted. 
  3. Role-play.  If you really cannot fathom coaching your boss or trying to discuss a coworker’s personal hygiene with him, role-play!  Ask a trustworthy employee for some advice on how she has succeeded in the past.  Role-play with her until your feel capable of doing this on your own.
  4. Just do it!  The longer you put it off the worse you will feel.  And the problem you need to discuss will keep growing.  If you were the problem, wouldn’t you want to know so you could fix it?  Have the same consideration for your teammates.

Do not let these problems fester.  And do not vent to your coworkers instead of approaching the person with whom you have the issue.  If you feel something is worth addressing, others are probably feeling the same way, too.

More often than not, people appreciate a direct, professional conversation.  And you will appreciate the same consideration some day in the future when the problem is you.